Tainted
by KrystalClear
Summary: I CAN'T APOLOGIZE ENOUGH FOR THE UNPRECEDENTED WAIT. SORRY! However I am alive. UPDATE! ^^ Two people destined to eradicate each other. What if they had met before fate had shaped their paths? AeriSeph. Plz R+R! Thx... and Sry!
1. Teaser

Fate.  
  
How cruel it could be.  
  
It was as if he was being taken for a ride, plunging into the endless depth of silence, forced not to acknowledge the obvious consequence that would cost him even more than his life.  
  
If I was born differently…  
  
He closed his eyes, avoiding the green eyes that seemed to pierce his soul.  
  
She was sitting on his stomach, running her delicate fingers through his hair. He felt the fingers creep up to his cheeks, and felt them caress his face. Gingerly, softly. He let his mind let go of everything except her feather-like touch, concentrating on the warmth and the feel and the waking of his cells where she touched.  
  
He felt her lock of hair fall on to his face as she lowered hers, placing a kiss on his forehead. Her particular scent of flowers, ones that bloom in the oasis in the midst of deserts, registered through him. He could almost feel the scent.  
  
Her lips softly ran down his cheek until it met his lips. Her hands found his and she held them tightly.  
  
"Sephiroth…"  
  
Falling and falling, into eternal darkness that swallowed him whole, drowning him in his own misery.  
  
He dared not say her name, her sacred name, the name of an angel who had rescued him whom he now must abandon.  
  
She rolled down from being on top of him and lied down beside him, using his arm as a pillow. He felt her breathing on his bare chest. She slowly crept closer to him, and placed her head on his chest, listening for his heartbeat. He brought his arms around her, savoring the feeling of warmth as their bodies touched, sheltering each other from the frigid wind.  
  
He felt her fingers now tracing the muscles of his stomach, and around his nipples. She placed kisses on them both, and he felt his hands involuntarily slip under her shirt.  
  
Living a life that was planned. The tickling clock like a bomb about to go off, haunting him even in the seconds of pure bliss.  
  
He stopped his wandering hands when he felt a sudden wetness on his chest, with her frail body softly shaking. He lifted her head and saw tears streaming down.  
  
How merciless is destiny?  
  
He wiped the tears with his thumb and stared into the emerald gaze, melting the very core of his being. He kissed her softly, and pulled her closer into a tight embrace, letting her cry. He would too if he was capable. He was the only one who could feel this way and not shed a single tear.  
  
He placed his chin on top of her head, stroking her back and whispering to her as the sobs got more violent, ripping her fragile body. Her fingers dug into his chest in order to get closer to him, just a bit more closer, hoping that there was a reason for them to live, that the ending wasn't going to be utterly tragic.  
  
As she swallowed her sobs and gulped air in order to calm down, Sephiroth closed his eyes. He found himself wondering, that if fate had been more merciful, that he'd met her before his soul was claimed from his body, if all this could've changed.  
  
Author's Note: It's a prologue or a teaser… What I mean is that this piece is located somewhere along my fic, not the beginning. Should I continue this fic or not? I want to, cuz I already got the storyline… well, the ending at least, figured out. If someone wants me to, I'll write it. Oh, this will be kind of like my "Take My Hand" but with more… um… intimacy. By the way, how's the "intimacy" scenes I write? Too awkward? Too weird? Too inexperienced? Probably. I'll get better though. ^_ Please leave reviews! 


	2. Prologue

"Hojo… Please!"  
  
She watched the monster who she called her husband grab the baby, soaked in blood, by his ankle. He handed it to the nurses who immediately cleansed him. He snatched the howling creature again and examined it.  
  
Like an animal.  
  
He noted the silver hair – neither of his parents had it. Green eyes – from Lucrecia. The glow must be from Jenova. The baby's features were so delicate, almost too exquisite for any human beings. The baby was not feeble, it already had strong muscles developing. …Once again, Jenova.  
  
The woman cried out when the scientist stuck a needle in the newborn's arm, as if it was done to her.  
  
Her beautiful face was gaunt, her once-lovely eyes now just rolling in her sockets. The child had sucked every drop of life out of her, leaving her with nothing but her soul intact. However now it was being torn in pieces as she watched her first child being put in a little incubator.  
  
"Hojo… He's yours too! He's OUR child!!"  
  
"Quiet!!" The scientist spat. He took the blood sample and placed it under the microscope. "Shut up."  
  
Tears. She had thought that she was incapable of shedding any more tears. The past months – how she had cried! How she had tattered her mind into a boiling pot of guilt and sorrow, taking part in this inescapable fate. Now they streamed freely down her cheeks as she watched her son.  
  
The bed she was lying on would be her deathbed, she knew. The bed that he was lying in would be his too. His life would end and destiny would take over. To be separated from humanity. Into a world of indifference and cruelty.  
  
God… what have I done?  
  
She opened her arms wide, wanting her son to come to him. Just to be able to hold him once. Just to give him something to remember of human touch, tenderness and love. Jenova would be his mother, she knew. He wouldn't be human.  
  
She felt her consciousness slip away. "Sephiroth…" she uttered out, with her last breaths.  
  
Please, son… forgive me.  
  
The baby stared at the ceiling, oblivious of everything. He would remain that way for the rest of his life, isolated in seclusion. His life would be hell.  
  
Please. Forgive me.  
  
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She exhaustedly stumbled out of the train, clutching her bleeding stomach with one hand and grabbing her daughters with another. Tears were flowing freely as she took a step after step, the agonizing pain almost blinding her.  
  
Suddenly she felt herself losing balance. She had tripped on a step. Her daughter instantly was by her side, her big eyes staring at hers.  
  
"Aeris…"  
  
How could the man she loved betray her like this? How could he let Shinra carry on the Jenova project? The man who proposed to her with the ring she still wore on her finger. The man whose eyes behind the silver-rimmed glasses shone so brightly that it dimmed everything else in her life.  
  
"Ifalna… I love you more than my life."  
  
Their first kiss under the moonlight, the shy man suddenly taking her by her waist and awkwardly pressing his lips over hers. As surprised as she was, she had wrapped her arms around him and had kissed him back. How she had giggled that it was his first kiss.  
  
"I can't believe I met someone like you…"  
  
She suddenly pressed the little figure against her, stroking her hair and kissing her in order to calm the frightened child.  
  
Damn you, bastard.  
  
Damn your lies and damn everything you stood for. How could you, after all that, choose science over us? Your wife, your daughter!  
  
She felt everything becoming faint and the song of the planet that hummed in her ears became louder and louder, until her eardrums thundered and everything became dark.  
  
"Mommy!!"  
  
Aeris.  
  
She felt a vague presence of someone else, someone who was frantically trying to wake her.  
  
"Please take Aeris somewhere safe…"  
  
I'm sorry for everything… for falling in love and believing that love could conquer everything.  
  
The child desperately shook her mother's hand, crying and hoping that she would wake, the only family she had ever known.  
  
I'm sorry that you'll be the last one.  
  
Elmyra took the crying child in her arms and tried to calm her. The small figure shook with poignant sobs. The woman knelt beside the child and cradled her. The woman whispered comforting words to the frightened girl, stroking her hair.  
  
However the small child knew that it was fake. She could never be comforted; a shackle was clasped on her ankle the moment her mother's soul left the planet  
  
She looked around her, the flowery world she knew only days ago now shutting down completely. Every connection she had felt before was cut off from her. She froze in her place as she realized her future. A frightened denial escaped her lips.  
  
She was completely alone.  
  
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Author's Note: I just have the BIGGEST urge to write something about Ifalna and Gast. Does anyone know Gast's first name though? In this fic, Ifalna doesn't know that Gast was killed… but was he killed? They're shrouded in a veil of mystery, them two… If anyone knows what really happened with Ifalna and Gast, please e-mail me! Or leave a note! Oh, by the way, I appreciate all e-mails and reviews, I really do.  
  
How did you like the prologue? I tried to make this so that you realize the similarities in their past. Betrayed by the ones that they (should've) loved the most, the tragic deaths of their mother, complete isolation – although the reasons for their isolation differs. See the reasons that they should be together?? ^^ Please leave reviews!  
  
And I'm really sorry that I haven't updated in a long time… but the next chapter will be up soon… Sorry!!!! 


	3. Chapter 1

A ring of laughter rang out from a lighted tent.  
  
Although the two people inside the tent was completely oblivious to everybody else, everyone outside of the particular tent was stifling their laughter and watching the very-obvious silhouette. The lamp inside and the luminous moon made it clear that a man with spiked hair was stroking the hand of a female with braided hair.  
  
Soon enough, everyone was done with their meals. Chuckles from Barret and Cid, and giggles from Yuffie. However, one by one, they went into their separate tents. Darkness came over the forest like a thick cloak, with the dying flickers of the campfire indicating its official entrance.  
  
It was impossible to see anything now but the warm glow from the tent. The forest was silent, with no trace of anyone ever being here. Not even the sharpest eyes would have noticed a pair of auburn eyes staring out in the darkness.  
  
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"… isn't it, Cloud?"  
  
How long had it been since I have really laughed?  
  
Cloud wondered, noticing the gentle glow of the lamp lighting up the face that was smiling at him.  
  
"… so I thought we had to do it… besides, you really looked cute as a girl!"  
  
How did you end up here, Aeris?  
  
Soft giggles caused Cloud to smile in spite of the reminder of the incident that they promised "never to talk about." She could do that. Somehow, something inside of him melted away when he was with her.  
  
Aeris resumed talking, but Cloud was no longer listening to her. He just concentrated on the way her soft voice chimed against his ears, her sparkling emerald eyes locking with his now and then. He was trying to make the fact that he was stroking her hands like an insignificant event, but just the warmth of her hands in his own made his heart ring, his eyes blur, his mind go blank with nothing but the image of her.  
  
How?  
  
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Despite her clothing, she wasn't aware of the wind that made her hands go numb. All Tifa was aware of was the fact that the tent was still lighted, and that they were still laughing, and that he was still holding her hand.  
  
She fought the urge to just throw a rock and make the tent collapse on both of them. She clenched her fists and let go, and fumbled with some gravel at her feet.  
  
1 They're just friends…  
  
Tifa sighed. It was so dark that she couldn't see a foot in front of her. She should really go to sleep; they have a big day tomorrow. She rubbed her arms, suddenly feeling the cold chill so unbearable against her skin.  
  
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"What a weirdo!"  
  
"Bastard!"  
  
A blond boy stood an outcast, not two steps away from his house. His mom had persuaded him to go outside once again, just try to fit in… why was it so difficult for him?  
  
He ran his hand through his unruly sunlit hair and kicked the ground, watching the dust rise and settle, soiling his clean white shoes. He didn't want to seen staring at her again.  
  
Tifa.  
  
It was almost as if it was an instinct. Unable to help himself, he backed against the wall of his house and lifted his eyes wistfully, watching a girl with waist-length jet-black hair giggling with her friends. Always the center of attention. She was pretty, and she caught every boy's eyes.  
  
Was she aware of his feelings, that he thought about her every day? That he only came out from his house to face the wretched kids who made fun of him day after day, just to see her face?  
  
Suddenly he felt indignant. She should know how he feels… please. Only if she would notice him… but would her gorgeous eyes even take a look at his, would her lips form her beautiful smile for him?  
  
"Hey Tifa…"  
  
He hadn't even begun his sentence when she suddenly turned around, her long hair tracing a circle midair. She was still laughing, surrounded with friends. She didn't look back once.  
  
Why did she seem so unreachable, so detached from him?  
  
He watched, as his childhood began to die.  
  
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She's so beautiful…  
  
It was an undeniable fact. The way her long lashes fluttered at him. The way her chestnut hair with golden streaks framed her face. The way her pale skin lit up when she smiled. Ah, and the way those coral lips smiled at him.  
  
Most important of all, her eyes. Unbelievable shade of turquoise. It was as if she was almost teasing him with her eyes, making him intoxicated under the emerald gaze. It urged him, for the first time in his life, to break out of his shell.  
  
2 Aeris…  
  
He was startled to find her eyes staring directly at him, probing him for an answer. Did he just say her name out loud?  
  
It seemed so, as Aeris shook her head and laughed… almost as if she knew the way he felt about her.  
  
"Yeah, Cloud? I'm listening." Her voice melted through the silence.  
  
He didn't say anything. He just squeezed her small hands into his and just stared at those green orbs that seemed to whisper his name every time they blinked… almost daring him to do something he never thought he would do.  
  
"How did you end up here, Aeris?" He voiced his innermost thoughts. How did you, someone like you, cross my path?  
  
She was obviously started by the question. She looked down at their joined hands, and smiled sheepishly.  
  
"I don't know… but somehow I know that it's my destiny."  
  
Ambiguity. What did she mean by that? What could she possibly mean, with her words that always conveyed a second meaning?  
  
"Your destiny?" Cloud choked out.  
  
Aeris looked up in his eyes, making Cloud lose his train of thoughts.  
  
"Yes… something you don't know yet, but you will soon."  
  
Yet, another puzzle which he could not unlock.  
  
3 Is your destiny to be with me?  
  
No, of course not. Friendship is the furthest this would ever going to go… just like everyone else in his life, he couldn't be…  
  
4 Her lips…  
  
Before he knew it, he was leaning towards her, as if in a trance, taking the dare which freed his innermost hope among hope, that she cared about him… for more than just friends.  
  
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Tifa absent-mindedly picked up a huge rock and examined it. Then she threw it in the dying fire, making the ash rise, lighting up with what dim light it had.  
  
She was still staring at the shadows in the tent. The lamp was getting dimmer and dimmer, although the two didn't seem to mind. Her heat became heavier and heavier. She almost turned to leave when she caught a sudden movement.  
  
Cloud was leaning towards Aeris, their hands still interlocked. This could mean nothing but that they were about to…  
  
She picked up a rock from the ground and heaved it at the tent.  
  
She heard a sharp yelp and an alarmed shout before the feeble tent collapsed on both of them, making them thrash wildly.  
  
She bolted and jumped into her tent.  
  
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Cloud had been not five inches away from Aeris. His heart seemed to burst and his vision had clouded, and her sweet scent of flowers had overwhelmed him. His hands were now on Aeris' waist and he was almost about to…  
  
When the tent, which had been so secure just two seconds ago, collapsed on top of them.  
  
He heard mumbles and shouts of his friends, some of them still apparently half sleep. He clawed at the fabric wildly, trying to get out… was she ok? Nearby he could hear frightened squeals and another mad flapping of the fabric of the tent. It was too dark to see anything.  
  
After what seemed like hours, his body was untangled from the fabric and so was Aeris. Both sat on the ground, utterly puzzled as to what could have possibly happened. They were both panting heavily. Aeris leaned against Vincent, her eyes half closed, the material of the tent having nearly suffocated her. Cloud, although looking flustered, was trying to deal with mad rage that tore away at his heart.  
  
No one said anything until Yuffie broke the silence.  
  
"What the heck happened?"  
  
It was a question no one but Tifa could answer.  
  
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Aeris was glad.  
  
She was glad that the tent had collapsed just when she was about to turn her face away from him, thus wounding him forever.  
  
She lay in her newly assembled tent, her face flushed at the thought, clutching at the blanket that failed to keep her warm in her midst of thoughts. The trickling stream of cold tears that wet her cheeks didn't help.  
  
Soon, her teeth were chattering and she sat up, rubbing her arms. She was freezing. She unzipped the tent and went outside, and noticed the flickering ashes of the dead fire. She got her fire materia and sat on the stone nearby it. She was about to cast the magic when…  
  
a gloved hand clasped over her mouth and a muscular arm tightened around her waist, choking her. She struggled wildly, kicking and elbowing at the stranger. It was to no avail, however, since his hold on her just tightened like iron and her breathing became faint.  
  
Cloud woke up the next morning to see the very person he dreamed about gone.  
  
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Author's Note: I am the QUEEN of Sappiness! Sigh…  
  
Ah… I'm sorry it's progressing so slow!! But I firmly believe that character and plot development is important in a story… But from the way the story's going now, it seems as if it's a Cloud+Aeris, no? Ehehe. Oh, by the way, does anyone know Ghast's, or is it Gast's, first name? Please??? How about Ifalna's last name?  
  
Don't forget to Review, please! It really keeps me going! Thank you everyone who reviewed me before!! 


	4. Chapter 2

He stared at the figure sprawled on the floor, steady rising and settling of her chest indicating that she was sound asleep. He eyed the pale skin lit by moonlight, her long lashes fluttering as she slept, her coral lips slightly parted. Her arms lay on her side, making her figure resemble a delicate cross. Her svelte body seemed to melt into the surroundings, and the serene silence enveloped her. All this gave her an appearance quite like a sculpture.  
  
`Weakling...'  
  
The position she was in suddenly contrasted itself with a certain silver-haired boy, collapsed on the floor with utter exhaustion; dreaming nightmares instead of slumbering. He remembered how Hojo would kick his side when he was young to wake him. His jaw twitched and he saw Hojo's boot being replaced with his own as he delivered a swift kick at the creature's narrow waist.  
  
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She saw a boy less than six years of age with glazed eyes, staring into the nothingness that occupied the room. His bright eyes were the only thing that illuminated the darkness.  
  
There was no furniture, the boy was crouched in a corner, his arms still puffy from the recent shots he had gotten.  
  
"Oh my God..."  
  
Suddenly, Aeris found herself standing net to the door. Without hesitation, she turned the doorknob. She half-expected it to be locked but the next instant she was inside the room.  
  
The boy took notice of her and snapped his gaze at her, a look full of dread.  
  
"But... I had the examinations this morning..."  
  
She was surprised that he could articulate himself so well; the boy was really so young. She noticed that he was clad in a smock-liked material that was tattered, something way too large for him. Unable to resist, she bent down in front of the boy, causing him to shout in alarm and press against the wall.  
  
"Sh....."  
  
Without a word, she pushed the silver bangs out of his eyes, causing him to flinch.  
  
"What are you doing!"  
  
"No, no... I'm no... It's not... I'm just..." Aeris stuttered, having surprised herself with her bold actions too. The boy got up swiftly and moved to the other side of the room.  
  
"Are you here to take me? Or what?"  
  
His voice was strained.  
  
"I'm not here to take you. I'm just..."  
  
... Why was she here?  
  
He turned away from her and leaned against the wall, again focusing at nothing. "Go away."  
  
... What have they done to you... you're so afraid... at the idea of another person... how?  
  
She had the irresistible urge to take him out of this place. This... prison. Hell. God, he was a beautiful boy. And for an unknown reason, she knew that it was her duty to get him out of here; out of here to a place where she instinctively knew he deserved.  
  
"Come. Do you want to stay here?" She asked, coming down to eye level with him. He looked like he was going to run away from her, but something in her speech bound him to his spot.  
  
"Away from... here?" The boy's voice was trembling.  
  
Aeris realized that she was crying. "Yes... God, you don't belong here!" She gently touched his cheek. "I'll get you out of here, come with me." Choking down her sob, she whispered, "What have they done to you!"  
  
"You'll take me away from here?"  
  
Aeris cupped his pale face with both hands, and the boy did not resist. Instead his eyes sparkled and she saw something in his eyes that made her breathless; a look of hope, long buried under the excruciating torture with endless hours, under the utter despair that was his life - suddenly emerging once again, like the sun from the eternal oblivion.  
  
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Aeris woke up in a start, a sudden unbearable pain on her abdomen making her clutch her stomach. She curled up in a fetal position and, although she struggled to contain it, a moan escaped her lips. She gasped for air, still not fully awake. All of this made Sephiroth frown.  
  
"Get up," she heard a cold, unfamiliar voice. She looked up to see a man with flowing silver hair and shocking green eyes, with a majestic height.  
  
It was him.  
  
Gasping in surprise, she bolted up despite the pain.  
  
"Are you him?" Aeris looked straight in his eyes, her mind still deranged from the dream. "You are, aren't you?"  
  
Sephiroth stared at her, disturbed by the tone of her voice. Her trembling voice conveyed utter pity and relief, and he was suddenly irritated.  
  
When Sephiroth didn't answer, Aeris stepped closer. "You... are, right? The boy in the cell! In the smock... You... Aren't you? But how did you grow..." Aeris was faltering, not understanding the situation.  
  
"You ARE!" Aeris exploded, clasping his hand. "God, what happened... and are you ok? Where are we?"  
  
She was abruptly cut off from her speech when he roughly grabbed her wrist and tightened his grip. He squeezed until Aeris, unable to hold it anymore, began to sink to her knees. She let out a groan of agony, not being able to concentrate on anything but the pain. Sephiroth watched the girl collapse on the floor, her head hanging down, supported up only by his hand.  
  
How was it possible that this being was supposed to find the Black Materia? And to summon Holy?  
  
"What are you doing?" He said through clenched teeth.  
  
It's him, Aeris thought. It was... the eyes, the hair, just everything about him was the trembling boy who was cowering in the dark cell alone.  
  
Finally, he flung her wrist roughly and she fell back limply.  
  
Aeris closed her eyes, slowly making sense out of the situation. Had it all been a dream? ... Who was he, and what's she doing in a cave? A thought hit her and she let out a frightened gasp, and met the icy gaze of the stranger.  
  
The realization made tears spring to her eyes. She fought to control it and shakily got up, biting her lips. She remembered the gloved hand over her mouth and the arms that choked her. Where were all the others? Where are you, Cloud! And... did HE kidnap her? And...  
  
He saw the pale girl's luminous eyes widen with comprehension and that a single stream of tears had rolled down her cheek. He almost scoffed at this show of such frailty.  
  
Aeris, utterly confused, desperately made an effort to calm herself. She tried to remain collected but the tremble in her voice betrayed her. "Who are you?"  
  
He smirked. "You don't know me? Am I not the one you're supposed to be chasing?"  
  
It hit her. The eyes, the hair... at least a head taller than her... the outfit... and she noticed, a six-foot sword by his side.  
  
Sephiroth?  
  
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A blond-haired man sat on a rock, his head buried in his hands. The rest of the crew watched in silence as he began to shake violently.  
  
"...Where could she be?"  
  
How could it be that she's gone? It was evident that there was a struggle outside of the tent - someone had wildly kicked and thrashed by the fire, judging by the disrupted stones and ashes by the fireplace. Someone... must have taken her... but who?  
  
God, he hoped it was not him, the silver-haired warrior who mercilessly killed his mother and his hometown, the man who was capable of killing anything - even the green-eyed angel.  
  
Just be alive, Aeris...  
  
He recalled her eyes smiling at him, her hair catching the glow of the lamp. Her soft hands gingerly caressing his own calloused ones. The pounding of his heart and the stuttering of his speech... Her breath on his face and God, her lips...  
  
It was sheer torture.  
  
"Dammit!" He cried, unable to control his rage. Damn it all. Deep down inside he knew it was Sephiroth who took her; the man who took away everything in his life; from his mother, his hometown, to his career in SOLDIER, his dreams... and now, the only one who he cared about, the shining star in his world, the flame which lit up his life - taken away by him, like everything else.  
  
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It was cold.  
  
She sat in the remotest corner of the cave, wrapping the jacket tighter around her slender body, trembling like a leaf in the wind. The chilly silence was the only thing in the cave... just like the cell the boy was in.  
  
He must be used to this, she thought.  
  
She still could feel the chill of the blade against her neck as she desperately tried to escape, his hot breath against her ear, telling her that it would be the end of her if she tried again. With his tall physique pressed against hers, she had felt the truth of the words.  
  
How was Cloud now? How was everyone now? Would they be looking for her?  
  
Bastard... she thought, as she glanced at the man across from her - his gaze fixed at nothing.  
  
Just like...  
  
Stop it! They are two completely different people - it was a dream. The little boy you saw...  
  
She recalled the look in his eyes, almost wistfully revealed; afraid like a trembling flame of a candle, lit by only the innate ability, ready to be extinguished with one cruel blow.  
  
She glanced at him again, and this time he met her gaze.  
  
She had the urge to look away and ignore him, but instead she searched his gleaming eyes for a sign... that somehow, the artificial glow held some humanity in them.  
  
Sephiroth was leaning against the wall of the cave, conscious of the girl's gaze on her. He wasn't a bit alarmed when the girl, so very predictably, dodged his grasp and tried to escape.  
  
It had enraged him when she spoke those words... the boy in the cell? In a smock? It seemed way too familiar to him. He felt his heart chill as he recalled the figure who would be tormented endlessly and wouldn't be able to resist.  
  
Weakling.  
  
Yes, he was. Not anymore. After he turned fifteen, not even the strongest guards could hold him down.  
  
He smirked, remembering the shocked expression of Hojo when he just could simply break out of the chain that bound him... When they actually couldn't drag him out of the cell when the time for examinations came. They were forced to give him up to become the greatest SOLDIER of Shinra, content only to give occasional injections.  
  
He heard the girl shift vigorously, and he turned a questioning glance. Indeed, she had been staring at him with those big eyes, as if he was someone she knew. He was rather surprised to note that she didn't flinch under his gaze. She rather stared straight into his eyes, searching and searching... for what?  
  
Annoyed, he snapped. "What?"  
  
The girl dropped her gaze meekly. However, this time she spoke.  
  
"I wasn't lying when I said I knew you..."  
  
Aeris felt Sephiroth's eyes burning through her, somehow instantly infuriated. However she had to get it off her chest. Were they the same person?  
  
"I saw you... You were in this dark room all by yourself... with nothing to wear but this huge shirt... and the room was completely empty."  
  
Out of the corner of her eyes, Aeris saw his face harden. The glow of his mako eyes turned into a darker shade.  
  
"You weren't over six," she continued. "I think you had daily examinations..." With a deep breath, she added, "And I think you hated it."  
  
Aeris saw his jaw twitch.  
  
"When I came in you were frightened. And I told you I wasn't here to hurt you and you looked so surprised... like I was the first to ever say that... And I wanted to get you out of there... and I took your hand and I..."  
  
She was suddenly interrupted when she was lifted from the ground, his hands holding her neck in a choker.  
  
"What did you say, Cetra?" His eyes were now menacing, furious, enraged. However she saw that, deep down, there was fear... something that should've stayed put had been awakened, like an old wound opened.  
  
"I'm sorry..." she choked out, knowing that it was useless to struggle. Sephiroth felt the emerald eyes, pleading her innocence. "I was just..." She couldn't finish her sentence as a tear rolled down.  
  
Her tear burned through his gloved hand and he dropped her, suddenly apprehensive. She knew... of his past. But he had never seen her before. How... what did it all mean?  
  
Did she see through this façade?  
  
He struggled to control the pounding in his ears and turned his back to her. "Stay put," he ordered. He knew she wouldn't escape.  
  
Feeling something choking him, he walked out of the cave - into the frigid darkness. He let the snowflakes land on his body, instantly melting. He walked with long strides, feeling the distance between himself and her strangling him.  
  
Aeris watched, crumpled on the floor, as the man disappeared.  
  
Author's Note: Hi everyone! Thankees for reviewing. You have no idea how much they encourage me.  
  
To Jake: No, I'm not Gev... but keep reading my fic, pleaze?  
  
To GoldenGoddess: Absolutely, yes, I want to join. God, I mean how immature do you have to be to write a bashing fic about their sis and post it up on the net!  
  
*Anyways, wait up for next chapter! In time with Valentine's Day, you will witness a first serious AeriSeph Romance. Mwahaha! (Not lime or anything like that.... That comes a lot later.) 


	5. Chapter 3

Hatred.  
  
How do you stop it, gushing out of your soul? Have you ever felt the invisible hand on your throat, choking you while the fiery burning of your heart condenses itself into something that deprives you from even the basic sense of justice?  
  
Have you ever been impassive? Have you known that you've been wronged - and have fully realized that you are helpless under the clutches of a force you can't control? Ever felt like you are just a puppet bound in the strings of fate - that your struggles and screams are drowned out while someone else watches with a crazed grin?  
  
If you knew nothing but the darkness that occupied the bare room, the silence which swallowed every ounce of your torture... and have experienced your uncontrollable tears transforming into vows that molded your being.... The vows that sparkled inside your mind as a promise for something that you never had?  
  
If you had been plunged into a pit of seemingly endless agony, burning your nerves and numbing the core of your being... could you honestly say... that you would have been different?  
  
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He clenched his teeth, biting down on his lips until blood trickled down his chin. His small body twitched and leaped with a mind of its own. The shackles that bound him to the metal plate dug into his skin, scraping the pale flesh - contrasting with such crude grace.  
  
The only thing he could control was his heart. Hojo would get his screams but he would never get his tears.  
  
He sucked in, rather drank, air - desperately clinging to his last instinct of survival to live - to get through another marked space of time.  
  
"I'll kill you," he whispered. "Ill one day tear you piece by piece, until you get every bit of what you do to me."  
  
He didn't need to shout. To him it was a fact, plain as day, only thing that got him through. His hoarse voice wasn't that of a child's. It was a basic sense of vengeance, rooted deep within human soul, the common voice of those who couldn't see life as a privilege but an ultimate punishment, cursing their fate with all they've got. It was beyond pleading tears and youth - aged as much as the demon that was fed into his cells.  
  
"I'll kill you," the boy choked out, as he spat out the hot blood that clogged his throat. "I will."  
  
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Verdant eyes timidly studied the man only a few feet away from her. He had remained silent, but Aeris had probed enough to know his purpose.  
  
Black Materia.  
  
The orb that gleamed amidst the thick curtain of aura, haunting the eyes which beheld it with a crazed fervor of obsession for power.  
  
Her hands automatically went to her braids, checking to see if the certain sparkling jewel was still intact.  
  
White Materia, identical in every aspect to the Black Materia. To its sheer beauty to its indefinable force - it was exactly as its counterpart.  
  
Yet they were created to defy each other - two indestructible entities that fell apart when together. Every aspects of its force that uncontrollably drew everything around them like a black hole would diminish themselves into absolute annihilation of both.  
  
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He was as flawless as his demented soul was battered, his beautiful physique shadowing the hideous phantom.  
  
One couldn't deny that he was beautiful... the devastating beauty accented itself unnaturally among the transparent chaos of his soul, like a sun in the midst of night.  
  
Her chestnut locks fell as she lowered her head, feeling the weight of the thick silence. In her head echoed his muffled groans, and she could see the screaming of his body - while his lips remained sealed.  
  
She traced her neckline, remembering the last time she spoke her mind - how she was a foot off the ground, his green eyes burning into hers. How he was so different from the boy in the cell, who had taken her hand.  
  
`I'll get you out of here...'  
  
Her gaze remained on his finely chiseled face, too delicate to believe that he could harm a soul - however the lunacy in his glowing orbs betrayed him. Her eyes trailed down to his muscular body, almost as if the concept of power itself was compressed in each and every movement he made.  
  
So artificial...  
  
She sighed.  
  
I don't think I would've been different from you...  
  
Mako eyes snapped open, with Aeris clasping her mouth.  
  
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There was a sickening stillness in the cave. Aeris fidgeted uncomfortably, feeling his eyes burn through her, demanding an explanation.  
  
She wanted to look away from the crazed eyes, the eyes that no longer was his. However, she didn't. She met his glare, looking more menacing due to the fire that reflected off them, calmly,  
  
Isn't every anger based upon fear? The cold chill that runs through your body that resides deep in you... Eating away at you until you become to deny its existence, covering it up with the disguise of fury?  
  
"Why were you so angry when I said I knew you?"  
  
Sephiroth didn't reply.  
  
"I did know you. I didn't meet you in real life but I saw you in my dreams." Aeris swallowed. "I was right about the boy in the cell, wasn't I?  
  
Ignoring the glare, she continued. "And... the tests Hojo gave you... and you were so hurt... and you said that one day you would kill him."  
  
Sephiroth was now looking at her with an expression she didn't understand.  
  
"You probably know how everyone views you as..." Aeris trailed off.  
  
Sephiroth knew. He was the greatest SOLDIER in Shinra history, the most powerful man in the history of mankind. The perfect general, with a six-foot blade, with nothing standing in the way. Wasn't he the very picture of glory... and fear?  
  
"But I think I know the real you."  
  
Aeris closed her eyes.  
  
"I saw you before you were fully tarnished with JENOVA... You were so beautiful in the cell and you still could believe..."  
  
Believe in what?  
  
"That some day someone will come and end it all... the torture you got every day and sleeping alone on the bare marble floor..."  
  
"Didn't you? Didn't you once... didn't you once have a heart..."  
  
That beat not just to sustain life, but to live - believing that the day will come when you'll see the sun?  
  
That you will have someone else by your side when you were lonely, scared, or just needed the warmth the other brought...  
  
"Didn't you once believe in love?"  
  
That it really existed?  
  
A tear slipped down Aeris' cheek.  
  
How she wished that one day she will no longer be alone... with the voices only she could hear and with the very frame of mind only she could understand?  
  
Could she possibly believe too - the very words that were entering her head? Could she someday have the very things she yearned for, with every fiber of her being?  
  
Could she...  
  
Perhaps it was because she shared the same fear once. Perhaps it was because she knew how it was to feel undue tears at still nights, clutching at the fabric to conserve her warmth, being ... terrified... at the notion of being alone forever. Perhaps it was because she somehow knew that she was indeed alone, and the bare concept haunted her even when she was held in someone else's arms. Perhaps... it was because she was, too, afraid of letting others know of her past - that she was different.  
  
Or perhaps... a force that nimbly controlled people's lives, the mysterious guide which paved the way for salvation or desolation, have planned this carefully - weighing every little stone in the silver scale it held, adjusting the silk strings until something enchanting clicked, marking the plain of time with an emerald dot, plotting this moment to happen - for the beginning of something extraordinary.  
  
She reached out and touched his cheeks.  
  
Do you ever dream that such things are possible? That one day you'll find the one person who you were born to be with?  
  
Sephiroth slowly arose.  
  
He could have whipped her hands off him and reacted the same way he did before. He could have retreated further back into his shell, disregarding the pounding of his heart. He could have stayed impassive - he could have denied the undying... need... that everyone has.  
  
But he didn't.  
  
He looked at the girl in front of him, looking unlike anyone he has ever seen... her fingers gently caressing his cheeks, with tears in her eyes.  
  
The girl who could say that she wouldn't have been different - as much as he hated those words.  
  
There is a certain point where a glacier would melt - it would stay frigid until it reaches a certain temperature.  
  
Although a glacier would stay frozen above zero degrees, it would finally give in eventually.  
  
Was there a point in life where one was tempted to give such an abstract concept a try?  
  
The night was so still, with the crackling noise the fire made being the only audible sound.  
  
The two figures in the darkness, illuminated by the golden light of fire, stared into each other's eyes.  
  
No matter how illogical it was, no matter how forbidden - the young baby with an invincible arrow in his hands is blind.  
  
A gloved hand slowly came up to her cheeks, and traced her features.  
  
`...Instead his eyes sparkled and she saw something in his eyes that made her breathless; a look of hope, long buried under the excruciating torture with endless hours, under the utter despair that was his life - suddenly emerging once again, like the sun from the eternal oblivion...'  
  
Aeris' eyes sparkled with the same tears she shed in her dreams. She repeated the words that she once said before - now with all her heart, daring the fate to cross her path.  
  
"I'll get you out of here..."  
  
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Author's Notes:  
  
I'm sorry but it seems to me that I was born to be a sap writer.  
  
Anyways... ^^  
  
It's really hard to make an AeriSeph romance (in my opinion) because Seph is so,, cold. In order to make him not "sound like a wimp", I have to take it slow. Well, I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I really worked on it, as you could probably tell. Don't you think the quality is better than the former chapters? ^^ mebbe not?  
  
Anyways, I'm sorry if I made Seph kinda OCC... as I said, I'm trying... arg. If anyone has any opinions, please leave a review. I'm kinda stuck...  
  
Oh, and if anyone's confused... Aeris is probably three years younger than Seph. She is just seeing Seph in her dreams.  
  
And... are there any questions? Um... confusing parts might be... the "perhaps" part is describing fate, the baby that's blind is supposed to be cupid thereby love, the black and white materia thingie is supposed to describe Seph and Aeris.  
  
Um... yea... I really did try to make this chapter better than the other ones, because I was inspired by one certain writer who wrote "coming back to me" or something like that... Yeah. She said it needed a rewrite... and I was like `what!!!'  
  
Sorry the AN's so long... ^^ Thankees everyone reviewing and leave a review!!  
  
PS.  
  
Hey guys, AerSeph4eva is writing an AeriSeph too. She's updating on a Sunday too, so mebbe you could check it out? ^^ We're gonna be updating usually on same days.  
  
And... theKoreanguy is gonna be writing a fic called `Interwined' that is an Ifalna and Gast fic. He will be using the name Gregory... so... just letting you know. 


	6. Chapter 4

Enchanting.  
  
The night was dark, as if a cloak was draped over it. From afar, the chirping of nocturnal birds and crickets softly rang. And the two figures stood, visible only by the burning fire in the lonely cave.  
  
Gods, his touch…!  
  
Aeris was breathless, dazed by the glow of his sedate green eyes. Through them she had tried to imagine that she could see the little boy huddled in the lonely corner… But now it was beyond that. When he touched her cheek, a sudden rush of emotions – that humans often have for no apparent reason – overrode her mind. She gazed at the… beautiful… eyes – so exquisite to be almost haunting. Somehow, with them not a foot apart, in this lonesome cave in the dark, with his hand resting on her cheek… gods, she felt as if her heart would tear through her chest.  
  
She wanted to believe.  
  
She wanted to believe that beneath the frigid chill of his words, there was a hidden meaning screaming to get out. She wanted to believe that, underneath the apathetic eyes that calmly gazed into her own, actually meant something else… She wanted to believe that his heart pounded as much as hers, and that he, too, was intoxicated by this– and that he, too, could not think… She suddenly longed that somehow his eyes would water, and that she would be right – That her belief where everyone, given the chance, could be poignant, ardent… that everyone knew, deep inside, that such… crazy… things could happen, and that it indeed had.  
  
It was… strange.  
  
She did not say a word, neither did he. His fingers gently caressing her skin – the simple gesture that held so many different meaning. And Aeris was almost tempted to close her eyes and lean into his touch, to allow herself to melt… However she didn't, having grasped a hold of her last string of reason. Her eyes shined with something akin to anticipation. Something stirred in her heart that made her hold her breath, awaiting the sign that her destiny was about to unravel…  
  
It was so picturesque… so unlikely yet seemed so right… it was… it was…  
  
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Romantic.  
  
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How… melodramatic it is, to be fanciful.  
  
Those of you who dream of fairy tales… Will your knight in his shining armor ever arrive?  
  
Once he does, do you think your first kiss will seal your fate?  
  
Would everything be so perfect?  
  
… can you truly believe it's true?  
  
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If only…  
  
That she knew that certain sapphire eyes shed tears – for the first time in ten years – hoping and longing…  
  
He was like a prisoner in Bastille, locked up in the dark cell, forced to talk to himself day by day just to retain his voice. He had given up long time ago to be rescued from the bleak walls surrounding him – he had stumped on the seeds of longing for light, the innate ability to dream, in exchange for complete apathy.  
  
He thought that when you reached a certain time, the struggle would become easier, the beast that beat his heart when a breeze blew through the window, taking over him with the mad desire to get out of this place, to the meadows of green where he so yearned to be… He thought that time would somehow kill the boy inside of him who heartbreakingly yearned for someone to…  
  
He tried so hard to be impassive… but can one really resist? When, in truth, your stoic expression is a basic defense for yourself from the harshness of the world? Can you keep your heart shut out when the undying voice in your mind keeps whispering that the time – the time which you thought was a lie, a myth, just a foolish dream – has indeed come?  
  
No matter how hard he tried not to… could he really resist from falling, being sucked into the endless pit – closing his eyes and plunging into everything that he tried to forget, swearing that it was the last time, the undying burning of his soul tempting him once again?  
  
… How he regretted taking the fall.  
  
… How ironic that, at the exactly the same moment, two people can wish for such different things?  
  
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He was being chased for his life by this bloody thing called time, which kept ticking, threatening to explode, until he clutched his head and struggled arduously to get a hold of his sanity.  
  
He didn't know what to do.  
  
The "mission' was a burden, something that weighed down on his shoulders until he felt he would sink to the floor. Everything around him closed in like quicksand, the more he moved the more trapped he felt.  
  
It wasn't the loss that plagued him, but rather his admission of it – every passing moment depleted his hope of finding her – and he tore through the forests in desperation, his azure eyes serving as the only light to illuminate the utter black.  
  
The members were helping. The mystique enchanting aura that enveloped her had drawn all of them – even Barret, whose sole aim in life seemed to be to dethrone Shinra – owed his debt for saving Marlene.  
  
But they only saw her as a slum flower girl who had joined the party. Selfless and beautiful, pleasant and earnest. But they couldn't see…  
  
The fear tightened its claws on his heart, the emptiness of the place chilled his very being.  
  
She was…  
  
No matter how one suppresses it, one can't lose the stream of hope that flows through his soul. The heat of his blood when he ran was no more of a sign that he was alive then what he felt when he was taking in her smile.  
  
The one who could say hello first. The one who could smile out of sheer kindness. The one who could… to put her little hand on his shoulder, to smile, to giggle, to make a joke… in the end making him grin in spite of himself… gods, to do such little things… that, for him, meant everything.  
  
Do you know how much strength it takes to be the one who reaches out first?  
  
As he sat by the fire, he recalled her hands on his, the fateful night when he finally saw that the girl in front of him meant more than anyone had ever had.  
  
Ironic…  
  
For what seemed like the thousandth time, he learned… The one who would dare to care – once it was stripped off of him, who would possibly understand the void that he felt… the void that seemed to empty his very soul, draining him of even himself – the former self who could brush things away?  
  
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Her companion had his head buried in his hands, his golden hair reflecting the light of the fire. Everyone was silent.  
  
She wanted to say it was okay. She wanted to say that they would find her, that she was sure that Aeris was okay.  
  
Why was it that her tongue was tied whenever she looked at his pained face, and that she felt a pang in her heart – that prevented her from even coming near him?  
  
Something more than the bare fact that she could never be sure of Aeris' safety stopped her from encouraging tomorrow's search.  
  
She could do nothing but stare back at the fire, trying not to acknowledge the admission to herself.  
  
She was always forced to just look… to just stare at him from the shadows, while the brunette was smiling at him, talking to him, making him laugh, taking his hand… did she really have no idea how insane she drove her? Always just pretending to be busy, pretending that she didn't care, just pretending, living in this façade in fear of rejection… And she watched as the stranger – she might as well as fallen straight from the sky – somehow melted his ice, and took a chunk of his heart – that, she with all her heart, thought belonged to her.  
  
… was it so horrible to feel this way?  
  
So she kept her quiet, and once again, did not say anything.  
  
Gods, the silence was deafening.  
  
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Aeris did not have an idea as to what to do next.  
  
Yes, unfortunately, real life stories don't end there.  
  
The unrestrained surge of ebullience, almost tangible as it soared through her body, made her – although she tried to suppress it – let out a small gasp and laughter… and it was so out of place! But… the sheer excitement of it made it impossible for her to keep still, preserving the magical air.  
  
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The two figures were instantaneously caught up in different emotions.  
  
Guilt.  
  
The silver hair contrasted itself with the sunlit golden spikes and the forest green eyes suddenly changed itself to blue.  
  
How he held her hands, laughing, his blue eyes sparkling with something she didn't understand. How she felt in the lonely tent, thinking of him, worrying for him, the tremendous error which made her cry in the midst of night?  
  
Sephiroth's eyes – the struggle to contain what was welling up in his chest, the confusion, the fear – she saw it all – not because he showed it, but because she knew it.  
  
…Cloud…  
  
…  
  
Sephiroth could not grasp what this was leading to.  
  
Caught up in the moment… What the hell was he doing?  
  
Somehow she had awaken the… the part of him which he thought was lost… He now thought he was no longer capable of feeling anything other than anguish and determination. He had accepted the tragic fact, he had no longer questioned it throughout his life – but, when the question had been uttered from her lips, he had an inexplicable desire to… to do what?  
  
When he touched her face, he almost wanted to flinch… but he didn't, partly because he did not want to, and partly because he didn't want to be seen as if he was running away from what seemed inevitable.  
  
Impulse.  
  
Hadn't it been?  
  
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"Sephiroth, I…"  
  
Aeris began, only to be extinguished down by the sudden change of atmosphere – the mutual intimacy she thought was present was now gone, leaving her with utter confusion and awkwardness.  
  
…What had she been expecting?  
  
The disappointment was bitter… And the conflicting thoughts in her heart… A part of her wanted to suddenly wrap her arms around him and bury her head in his chest… The other part of her did not know what to do, and it only registered the seemingly cold glare the general now glanced at her with.  
  
He was too inhuman for anyone to relate.  
  
Sephiroth, as if it was planned, did not do anything to ease her… He was almost nursing the seed of a thought, one that both would regret – the thought that made it even more impossible to have something like this ever happen again, the idea which rang with earth-shattering clarity.  
  
…I'm fraternizing with the enemy.  
  
The sense of wrong, disgust, confusion, and awkwardness all climbed up her chest and she suddenly no longer knew what she was doing.  
  
Confusion and awkwardness had somehow transformed themselves into something that neither of them knew how to deal with, making the initial thoughts even more unbearable.  
  
Neither of them were willing to admit what had taken place, neither was aware how… real… it had been, neither of them could possibly acknowledge through their heads, that the possibility that the few minutes led to was something none of them could even imagine.  
  
She wanted to clasp his hands, to put her arms around him, then maybe he would react the same way? … Maybe, for one day, she is allowed to forget everything that has confined her to this day – the sense of right and the duty she was born with – couldn't she sacrifice it just for now? Couldn't she, possibly, maybe…  
  
…Biting her lips, Aeris backed away from him.  
  
She might as well just have taken an ax and shattered the fragile chain which momentarily bound them.  
  
… As if this was all planned.  
  
Sephiroth simply – so simply, refusing to acknowledge that… something HAD been here, refusing to admit to himself and not letting her do the same either – turned around.  
  
If he had just stayed there, if he didn't move away… Gods, why did you, Sephiroth? Couldn't you give me a chance to…?  
  
The betrayal brought tears to her eyes and she could barely suppress it.  
  
Looking at his unrelenting back, she slowly was filled with a sense of vengeance… How could it turn out to be this? The realization that there had been no betrayal to begin with… made her feel pathetic. She realized how vulnerable she had been, and her honor refused to let her forget it – The simple minutes – How it could affect a person, taking one to the edge of euphoria to the state of misery the next?  
  
She suddenly ran out of the cave, getting out of there as fast as she could.  
  
Sephiroth did not follow her.  
  
Having found a stream, she wiped her face of his touch with the cold water, as if it could erase what had passed between them. Crying and blubbering, her tears became indistinguishable along with the dripping water from her face.  
  
Sephiroth watched, from a distance… He watched as one girl he touched cry, he watched as she disgustedly wiped away his touch… he watched as his final confirmation that the dreams did not belong in the reality, took place.  
  
…  
  
If either of them had taken it one step further, if they were aware of the feelings that had consumed them a moment ago, if one of them dared to actually move closer, to confirm the need they both shared and could be fulfilled… If he actually was the person Aeris dreamed he was, if the world was so perfect as to have them both neglect the petty dignity and the sense of past. It if was, then maybe they would have been enveloped in a fire of passion, no longer registering anything else but the other… Maybe the twofold destiny could have taken place, and maybe it would have been the beginning of the tragic but nevertheless unbelievably beautiful… the very thing that made the poets penniless yet thrive, the very concept which one can't dare to dream of, might have gotten a hold of them…  
  
However this is where the limitation of the world, where you are required to breathe in order to kiss, where you experience utter pain before you grow… The reality which shatters the fantasy, making the innocent lie in the dark, turning their minds into that of their surroundings… the very "world" which separated the mortals from the Cetra.  
  
  
  
Author's Note:  
  
You guys might not notice it… but compared to the others, this chapter is a lot more direct, and… I think it's kinda funny. (That's just me though.)  
  
My style has definitely changed… for the better or worse. I want to portray the emotions that goes through the characters' minds vividly… you might notice that I tried when you read the first part of this chapter (the giddy Aeris) and others. (Don't tell me you haven't acted like Aeris at least once) Oh, and "bloody thing called time ^^ " and such. That doesn't mean that I'm not gonna relapse back to my incredibly wordy, very unclear and abstract writing which I am fond of and no one understands.  
  
But overall…  
  
I'm sorry!!  
  
SOB!!!  
  
… I'm sorry if this is a huge decline from the last chapter. Last chapter, I was inspired, excited by the notion of creating some romance. I knew where to stop, in order to make it not so OOC.  
  
Then I was stuck. I couldn't go ahead with the romance, because… you know, pplz just don't fall in love two days after they meet.  
  
But… then… how do I back out of this cliff which I have so unwittingly set myself up for!! Good grief (^^), talk about digging my own grave.  
  
Another reason is that I was, and will be REALLY busy from now, which leaves me very little time to write.  
  
Another reason is that I am comparing this chapter with the last, and the last seems so much better… and it is discouraging me to continue this fic. But I decided that it is the stupidest reason to discontinue a fic. I actually like how this turned out… is it ok? ^^ I know I can do better, I know I can… mebbe not on this chapter, but mebbe the next? Or the next one after that? I will somehow top myself…  
  
I am seriously babbling…  
  
If you got any ideas, or any comments, just e-mail or review me. On the last chapter people were saying that it was ok to take it slow… which is what I'm gonna do. I really appreciate your feedback and ideas, which I will try to incorporate into the story. If you see faults, feel free to alert me of it, so that I may fix it.  
  
Okees, review please… I really appreciate it (did I say this before already? ^^)  
  
Got any story line suggestions? THEY ARE ABSOLUTELY WELCOME!  
  
Ps. I used "gods". Although pplz usually say "God" to indicate some kind of emotion, whether it be exasperation, awe, whatever…  
  
The reason was that I saw many ff fics w/ 'Gods' instead of 'God'. Am I right in this?  
  
Pps. I think I would describe myself as a romantic. I want to believe that ideals can actually come true, overcoming all obstacles… and I don't think I'm alone in that, since such people have glorified the concept of love into something that seems unattainable. However that doesn't mean I'm not even gonna try… I don't want to live like anybody else, just marrying for the sake of it.  
  
Ppps. I like what I wrote up above. (My Pps) Arg, if I only could somehow incorporate that into the story… ^^  
  
Pppps. This AN filled the whole page. It's almost getting longer than the chapter itself. WHAT am I doing! 


	7. Chapter 5

Life.  
  
How terrifying it is, to think that one can dwell so unconcernedly in this unknown plain of time. The very idea that one might attempt to define the word beyond its worldly meaning is absurd. We take the concept for granted – for the worlds before and after life are completely unknown to us and therefore even more dreadful. We are unable to even grasp this mere transition from that world to the next.  
  
How many times have I felt like giving up, when haunted by the demons that emerge from myself, when bleeding from the cutting reality that threatens to dominate me, when confronted by the sheer fear that when I do indeed part from this life that I will not have known whatever it is I'm seeking for, or when I'm just exhausted from the labor that is living?  
  
… What possesses people even to "attempt" to go through the loneliness, the dejection, the humiliation, the loss, the tears that can't be stopped and must be shed throughout life? Are the joys and happiness of the world really that abundant to balance the toils performed to attain them?  
  
Beyond the fear, the obligation of the kinship ties and just plain ignorance, what do "we" have that pushes us – to take the next breath?  
  
I don't know…  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
It was freezing.  
  
The preposterous snow kept falling, covering everything within sight with the deceitful white.  
  
Yet one couldn't help gazing at the scene with longing eyes, while ignoring the hands that were turning blue – one couldn't help but find beauty in the plain façade.  
  
Three days of trudging in the wet snow, the unsettling silence upsetting the steady rhythm of his boots. Three days of fierce struggle with sleep, determined not to be the first one to succumb to the traitorous unconsciousness. Three days of completely denying his presence - even when his heartbeats seemed to vibrate through the desolate walls, even with his inviting warmth practically glowing in the frigid chill of night.  
  
Aeris let out a sigh and hugged her knees. She felt his eyes on her back, and an electric chill shot through her body. …The prickling sensation was somehow pleasant.  
  
…  
  
He leaned against the stone wall of the cave, allowing himself a sigh. He eyed her small form that huddled in front of the entrance, which did little to ease her trembling.  
  
He brushed the silver bangs out of his eyes in irritation. His plan was ruined: the group led by Strife failed to keep up due to the snow. He also was positive that the Cetra - shaking like a leaf already - would collapse if they journeyed through the unforgiving storm. That would be the biggest blunder of all.  
  
...In my veins courses the blood of the Ancients - I am one of the rightful heirs of the planet.  
  
He still remembered the fiery zeal that burned in him when he uttered the words in front of Jenova - the creature that proclaimed herself his mother and declared that he obey her.  
  
Jenova contrasted sharply in features with the Cetra who now sighed and buried her head in her hands. The dark, beady eyes had none of the emerald sparkle of the Cetra. The veined flesh that hung limply to her body clashed with the creamy skin that glowed with a color of peach. Jenova's body of the shielded metal that seemed void of life was nothing like the warmth the compact body of the Cetra radiated. The first impression of his mother - and he was ashamed to admit it - was repulsion.  
  
...Was he so desperate as to consent having such a deplorable being as his mother?  
  
He quickly erased the thought from his mind. Subconsciously, he might have noted that it was a fantasy - yet it was one so sweet in his jagged life that it burned through the white slates.  
  
The notion of having someone - one who would fill his void that became unbearable - was such a blinding thought. It engraved into his mind, blazing through all logic he knew, leaving him with nothing but the desire to hold on.  
  
The unsatiable void now tormented him with a vengeance, like a reopened wound - like the bloody lips it spoke to him in the words that only he could understand.  
  
It was a longing so powerful that it became unconscious - the wish that underlay in all his actions and the basic carnal desire. He felt the gap draining his existence every time he looked at the girl in front of him… The one who now was standing outside the cave, seemingly enchanted by the falling sparkles - the one who had kept the still silence when they slept next to each other - the one who had briefly gained an entrance in his soul yet contemptuously abandoned it - consciously or not.  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
A strangled cry.  
  
Aeris bolted up from her sleeping position to see two glowing eyes open in a start, staring at her. Somehow, the sight sent a chill down her spine.  
  
Frightened tears.  
  
Aeris struggled to contain them inside but found the task impossible. The panic of the nightmare began to take form in the inky darkness.  
  
Death was such a frightening concept.  
  
Unable to stand the suffocating air, Aeris abruptly got up and went outside.  
  
Her heaving chest seemed to burst from lack of air. She fell on the cold blanket of snow, ignoring the consequences. She lied there, smothering her own silent screams with a fist in her mouth. Her whole body seemed to be on fire - and contrary to what she previously assumed, the unbearable chill that now enveloped her body seemed to make it worse.  
  
Gods… what a nightmare.  
  
… Nevermind the overwhelming darkness that seemed to shut off everything that she knew. Or the terrible sense of inability to breathe. The horrible choking, the unbearable pain. They all were nothing compared to the panic, the sheer terror that came over her… that shut off all rational thoughts, numbed the excruciating pain itself. She felt as if she was turning insane, feeling the cold breath of death on her neck. The sensation came over like an electric wave, jolting her body in uncontrollable sobs.  
  
… Cast away, with no one to cling to. How devastating it is to have no one to assure you that it was a dream, to keep you from passing out in the dreadful shock - to buoy you upwards, to keep you afloat in the ocean of reality?  
  
…It was so real.  
  
The elusive sense of death was materialized by the genuine realization of the physical reality. The absence of the warmth that she yearned for, the silence that thickened with her choking sobs, and the fact that she was kneeling on this condescending plains of snow. She was lamenting this …dream, that spoke so hauntingly to her unconscious mind - the dream that showed something that she dreaded the most, but left a room for doubt - and she had no one to find comfort in its obscurity, no one to deny that this dream was significant, no one to kiss her temple and tell her it was all right. Gods, even if the words were all pretense the gesture would've been ardent - just the slight touch, the silver connection would have been…  
  
… If given the choice, which would you choose?  
  
Eternal solitude, or End of your life?  
  
… Are they really different?  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
He felt trapped while he reluctantly rose and walked to the entrance of the cave. He noted the icy wind that seemed to slap his cheeks. And there she was, collapsed on the unrelenting plain of snow, striving to stifle the frightened whimper that she couldn't control.  
  
He knew so well of the demons that crouched deep in his being, the ache that could at any moment be triggered. The painful longing and the sheer terror that he endured while waking up at night, banging on the glass surface that trapped him. Fighting the hot tears that escaped him, trying to still his writhing body - and he had felt as if he was losing his mind - and he had half-wished he was.  
  
He felt as if a valve was placed in his heart that tightened every time he threatened to break down. He indulged in the comfort of the cage he dwelled in. The deeper he sunk into the trap he created for himself, the more apathy he felt. And apathy was one thing he could use to block himself from the terror of his childhood, the times when he could not defend himself against the unknown forces that plagued him every breathing moment.  
  
The cold wind whipped around his bare chest, and he drew in his breath sharply. It was then he realized that the weather had become vicious - and that it had been a considerable amount of time. Dammit, he couldn't think when he was around her.  
  
Cetra's body had stopped writhing violently – actually, he noted with much agitation, she had stopped moving at all. The scenery stretched to eternity in bare white. Her small form was set like an inky blot on a fresh sheet of paper. She was sprawled, like a crumpled flower fallen from its stalk.  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
The hesitation and a sense of uncertainty coiled within him like a snake.  
  
It was almost worse than loneliness. The damp feel of isolation was passive, forever remaining within him. This, on the contrary, was eating at him with the urgency of action. She was too close and too vulnerable and he was pressed to execute the first step.  
  
With much apprehension, he stepped outside the cave.  
  
He grabbed her wrist and knelt on the snow, feeling for a pulse. He was almost bewildered that she was tangible. The pounding was very faint. With his jaw set, he tipped the Cetra's head back and put two fingers on her throat, searching for a sign of life that pulsated within her.  
  
With one fluid movement, he placed his arms beneath her and stood up. He positioned his arm so that her head had a support. The pale face was flushed with a strong tinge of pink, whether it from the outburst of emotion or cold he didn't know. Her hair was plastered to her tear-soaked face.  
  
When he retreated to the corner of the cave they occupied, he set her down against the wall. He clasped her hands, feeling their temperature. With his right hand he cupped her cheek, willing the blood to return.  
  
It felt so unnatural, so unreal to actually touch the being he only stared at for such a long time. Her body was damp and her skin clung to his hands. The warmth of his hands against her left a subtle mark of peach - ones that faded away with the rhythm of her breathing.  
  
He was alarmed when the Cetra let out a small groan, and even more so when a shade of green peered through the thick lashes.  
  
Her eyes were glazed, like liquid crystal. She blinked, and he felt as if the whole world blinked with her – everything that he focused on extinguished in a brief flame. The utter darkness lingered for a moment, then the green fire revived itself – this time as two round orbs that, so painfully slowly, took in the sight around her.  
  
…  
  
A trice of vacant stare. Then he saw the realization sink into her like a thousand bricks smashed against her frail skull, and his hold on her tightened momentarily.  
  
He felt, rather than heard, the soft gasp she made that brushed over his lips.  
  
A blind jolt.  
  
"No, stay."  
  
His voice sounded odd, an intruder to this seemingly-inanimate world.  
  
… This isn't what it seems.  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
… Gods, damn this cave.  
  
Too dark to see anything now except her frightened eyes reflecting the dying sun. Too silent here not to hear her ragged breathing, too close against his ear. Too cold now to feel anything but her curling fingers against his and the heat on her flushed cheeks.  
  
He broke all contact.  
  
He abruptly rose. He suddenly felt tall – too tall when compared to the form crouched in the desolate corner. Too strong in contrast to the girl trembling in the freezing wind. Too monstrous when in front of her emerald eyes and coral lips, when against the soft feel of her hair, when facing the solitary tear that was trailing down her pale cheek. Too…  
  
He roughly grabbed the leather cloak that was crumpled with the rest of his clothing. The steel edge of Masamune clanked on the stone floor, and rolled to his feet.  
  
The cool silver looked too alluring for his trembling hands, he longed to return to the only certainty he knew. He dared not to allow his fingers to touch the tempting edge – he would never be able to stop himself.  
  
He felt her eyes on him as he moved closer to her. He knew that she was still midst the thick cloud of daze, and he felt grateful that she was too swayed to make any abrupt movement when he knelt in front of her. He knew that the burning of his heart would cause him to strike her if she did.  
  
He drew the sable cloak around her slight form, and brought the ends together at the side of her neck. His slender fingers tempered with her hair as he worked the knot. He saw her close her eyes, and felt her shudder.  
  
…  
  
Gods, how pathetic.  
  
How so fucking pathetic, standing out here in the cold, watching the dizzy parade of snow. The white flakes landed on his body, then melted instantly. He imagined that they made a hiss, a silent plea long ignored…  
  
Coward.  
  
What was he afraid of? He was conscious that he could take her slender throat and squeeze until the sparkling eyes slid shut. Hell, he could even suddenly push her down on the cold stone floor and violate her – yet would still be able to proceed with his plans.  
  
His fist clenched and he felt like slamming it against the wall he leaned on.  
  
Was it the assumption that he had wanted to rescue her, touch her that delivered the blow? Was he afraid that the Cetra would forget how dire she was in need, and that he was rather forced to save her – due to the mission that "he" was on? Would she forget that she was just a puppet in his intricate scheme, that the position she beheld him was purely coincidental?  
  
He let his thoughts race, trying to define the pounding that rammed against his chest, trying to justify it. He vainly tried to prove that the heat that suddenly circulated his body didn't exist, that anything and everything was of no concern to him. He…  
  
He suddenly heard leather scraping against the stone surface, and a struggle of feet. His eyes darted inside the cave.  
  
The Cetra was standing inside the lonely cave. It was hardly visible, but her skin seemed to glow in the moonlight, and her eyes sparkled.  
  
He was frozen on the spot as she slowly moved towards him, the cloak trailing behind her. He noticed how her breathing left her lips as a white cloud, and knew she was better.  
  
She didn't move next to him. Rather, she stayed inside of the cave, slightly leaning on the opposite wall that faced him.  
  
"Thank you."  
  
Was that what he was afraid of?  
  
Her voice was soft, so infinitely genuine, that he wanted to run his finger through the words, wanted to feel them against his skin – like a warm wind in the midst of the sun.  
  
"I remembered…"  
  
…Such ambiguous words.  
  
Sephiroth didn't reply, he just kept staring at the horizon that was no longer visible. He felt her uncomfortably fidgeting after that, and a smirk tugged on his lips.  
  
A sigh.  
  
Then he heard her retreat back to the corner.  
  
Was it some kind of a refuge?  
  
Sephiroth now closed his eyes, and he felt the cold chill of the weather envelop him. But that was okay. He let his heartbeat settle, no longer letting his head badger him with the traitorous things called thoughts. The snowflakes kept falling, as an endless train that never stopped, a regular rhythm that vibrated with every breath.  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
… I want to live – I want to taste the salty tears down my cheek, I want to kiss your lips to seal my fate. I want to plunge myself into hands of destiny, I want to take chances… I want to feel my heart beating against yours, I want to feel the blood rushing through m veins, I want to feel the pulsating rhythm of life surging through me – defining my life into something more that just mediocrity…  
  
When I cry, you should wipe away my tears. When I smile, I want you to kiss my lips. When I go to sleep, I want to be in your arms. When I wake up at night, your lovely eyes should already be there for me…  
  
Do I dare to be so selfish?  
  
Or is it not selfish at all?  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
…  
  
…  
  
AN: Warning: Expect an abrupt and unpleasant mood change.  
  
Very important: In this chapter I tried to portray Seph in a radically different way. I now think Sephiroth is capable of feelings, even love. (I watched the movies of the game!) That's what I meant by all that Jenova stuff earlier on. Sephiroth must have loved his "mother" dearly to sacrifice everything he had like that. Now if he can just turn that towards Aeris… (Of course, he is FAR from even liking Aeris now. This chapter… nothing really happened, except me elaborating on the character's thoughts again. Sigh.)  
  
Stress of being away from her group + Agitation at being with Sephiroth + Extremely horrifying dream which prophesies her death + Three days of extreme toil and mental strain + Renewed sense of solitude + Cold weather that probably is like negative 100 degrees = Aeris passing out CAN happen!!  
  
Here's a little dialogue (that actually happened):  
  
Me: Hey, think YOU are Seph, Aeris had this really horrifying dream about her near death. So she's passed out on the snow. And now she's barely breathing and her body temperature is too low. Her clothes are soaking wet. There's no one out there but you two. What would be the logical thing to do?  
  
Him: *silence, then evil grin* Sephiroth has his needs… ^^  
  
Me: *facefaults!*  
  
^^ I understand that the next logical thing for Sephiroth to do is prolly to remove Aeris' wet clothing and massage her or something until her body temperature returns to normal. … But that's WAY too quick, no?  
  
Things you should remember:  
  
1. Sephiroth NEEDS Aeris for his mission – the black materia and holy and all that stuff.  
  
2. I think Seph should sleep only w/ his pants – I mean, how could you sleep with that restricting leather straps and the shoulder shields and the cape??? (And I dare not take off THAT one ^^)  
  
3. I had the biggest writer's block so I'm infinitely sorry for the sap that overflows in this chapter.  
  
4. I infinitely appreciate any reviews!!  
  
Thank you people who e-mailed me to check on me during the long void. And everyone who ever bothered to leave a review. *sob* That is what pushed me to write this chapter, push through the writer's block as CruelShadow said. 


	8. Chapter 6

It was like drowning.  
  
Cloud remembered, when he was not yet six - the warm water that stung like hell as it filled his lungs.  
  
He sought to breathe. His arms flaying, his chest heaved. But more he tried to breathe, the water - the unchanging, sticky and overwhelming mess - wormed its way in.  
  
He remembered choking.  
  
He remembered the tearing of his eyes as he desperately tried to get some air. The molten lava that burned him as it got lost in the infinite blue, so hot that it turned everything cold. The sudden, unbearable coldness that pushed him to breathe, breathe, breathe!  
  
The infinite. the invulnerable and eternal cerulean that molded with his eyes. It dominated his form so completely the moment he had tried to brave it.  
  
Each heaving breath he took, he was dying a little more. He sought for life, but death filled his lungs.  
  
With a last try for air, he opened his mouth wide and his instincts worked his lungs. A gush of water entered instead of air, and the agony engraved deep into his mind. - the excruciating pain and the instinctive sense that he was ebbing away. The water turned warm once again and he had ceased trying.  
  
When he woke up in the white hospital bed he wouldn't forget that it was the bare struggle. it was himself. that quickened the pulse of his prolonged death. Irony sneered in his eyes.  
  
One day his longings would kill him, consume the fuse of life and finally conquer him.  
  
Would overwhelm him, like the waves that plunged him harder into the merciless liquid.  
  
The hot, molten lava that burned, that turned everything cold. The tangible clutch of black, inky panic that seized and bound his limbs.  
  
And the infinite blue.  
  
. Living was very much like dying.  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
How long had it been since he held the blanket against him on a Sunday morning, the sunlight from the window tickling his eyes. He had sleepily pulled the cover over his head, avoiding the brilliant flash, reveling in the ebbing drowsiness.  
  
Sweet Reminiscences.  
  
He remembered the glittering of lights in the exclusive Shinra balls, being irritated at - yet acknowledging - the flashes of desperate photographers. The days when he commanded those in the blue uniform - as worthless as they were - with a single word or nod. When he looked at people's eyes he saw something akin to awe - and as much as he was apathetic about their presence - it was pleasing nevertheless. His identity was Sephiroth. What he was had defined him, and he never had tried to look beyond it.  
  
Complacency.  
  
Yes, it was. His fingers against the silk of his cushions, he had sunk into the traitorous frame of mind. Although there was still silence about him, he had imagined the soft floating of classical music to fill the void. The great contrast of his glorious adulthood from his miserable childhood seemed to him like a dream, but it was one he took for granted nonetheless. When he stood on the podium, hovering over what seemed like a sea of ants - for so many there were who were under his command - unconsciously pride, arrogance, and ultimately insolence seeped through to his heart. The boy with ridiculous silver hair and glowing eyes who had huddled in the corner every day, dreading the morning sun through his barred window. The boy who couldn't stand looking at his reflection, for he hated it so. The inevitable contempt and disdain for himself formed an impenetrable barrier in which he masked with an air of superiority, all while struggling to maintain the delicate frame of mind. After a day filled with alcohol and praises, he would return to the security of his apartment and stare - at the stranger in the mirror.  
  
It had all prepared him for the fall.  
  
It happened so fast.  
  
The realization, the bare notion that the vision he held of himself was a glass replica of his longings. He watched himself shatter like the feeble attempt it was, watched everything that had shaped him crumble. The small mistakes and hurts and regrets resurfaced themselves into a nightmare he would endure to his day.  
  
He should have known.  
  
His monstrous perfection.  
  
He wasn't beautiful. There was no beauty about it - his presence stilled the hearts instead of making them beat with the mysterious fervor. He was just a haunting precision. Features fascinatingly flawless, but not pleasing to the eye. A face that engraved into one's mind, but one they would rather not recall.  
  
He remembered the primary propaganda poster Shinra distributed during the War, the one that they nailed onto every wall, every supporting pillar. They had even printed it on the back pages of the Shinra newspaper to instill support. A picture of him. Him standing in the battlefield of Wutai, commanding the very elite. Strands of hair blowing about his face, Masamune gleaming. His cloak majestically trailing behind him.  
  
A God. An invincible, unreal. and ultimately, untouchable. being that he had come to be.  
  
He once had taken it as a blessing.  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
The unrelenting sunlight reflected off the snow. The world seemed to be made of glass at the moment, with the intense light blinding her.  
  
She had never felt so tired.  
  
How hypocritical it is to glorify physical toil.  
  
When one was sitting in a chair with a cushion to lean on, with a beverage of choice in hand, the facts could be distorted through the idle words that aimed straight to the foolish desire of idealism. But when every step taken was an actual agony, then the nobility and absurd grandeur, maliciously fabricated, fell apart.  
  
The sweat gleamed down her forehead, and Aeris wiped them off with her damp sleeve. Panting, walking with her hair sticking to her face. She had to put her hand against her temple in order to shade the light. The endlessness of the toil coiled within her like a snake, she was unable to see the usual private sparkles. The despondency blurred the world.  
  
The heart suddenly filled with unrelated remorse. Sudden reminisces back to the recent nights which she had fell asleep against the stony surface of the cave. She felt the obscure anger and self-pity welling up from the core of her being. She struggled to suppress the ridiculous association, but a choked gasp escaped her as she looked up to see the stoic man virtually gliding through the scenery.  
  
Mind collapsed before matter.  
  
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Bound by the invisible chains of an unspoken agreement, Aeris once again forced herself to kneel in the midst of snow - though the area she chose was relatively free of them. A sigh escaped her lips as she arranged what little scraps of wood she could find into a circle. Damp as they were, she doubted if they would catch fire, but her hunger was no longer gnawing in her stomach. The longing, so desperate just moments ago, was forgotten as a sting of wind slapped her across her cheeks, turning them instantly crimson.  
  
The abrupt, ludicrous, change of temperature was another phenomenon that she was forced to withstand for the past days. She found herself momentarily wishing for the suffocating heat that plagued her just hours before.  
  
How .fickle. How utterly fickle one could be. She would have laughed but her impatience at delay of - him - prevented her from seeing the irony. Clutching her hands sharply in her bosom to return a shade of pink to them, she bolted up and stepped outside, her eyes squinting in search for a familiar man.  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
Cloud liked his room.  
  
If he closed his eyes he could still see.  
  
His room was a sanctuary. As long as he was sprawled on the bed with lights out, nothing would bother him. His room did not have a window. The wallpaper was a moldy beige. When he brushed his fingers against it, he could see the dust fall. The small size was stifling. His mother remarked that the room looked rather like a jail cell.  
  
And he would take it still.  
  
He would stare at the ceiling. He used to let his mind wander, reliving the latest humiliation to add to his life, and dreaming up a cutting response he could've made, fantasizing that he had punched the bully's lights out instead of looking away. He would try to forget the heat in his heart and the slow dimming of his eyes and the fading light as he tried to look as dignified as possible as one could in the midst of laughter. Now that he reached a mature age of thirteen, he had learned a better way to forget. Now, his eyes were blank as his pupils dilated. He savored the feel of the clean blanket against him. He had discovered that in order to make the best of the blessed time in his room he must - must - never think about anything. So he dwelled on the notion that tomorrow was not here yet. And it would not come as long as he kept his eyes open. As soon as he succumbed to the traitorous sleep, he would start and sit up - only to find that it was morning once again. So, to avoid it, he kept his eyes open. Just making the time last - the blessed time. His whole being was focused on how to make the night last forever - forever and ever - so that he won't ever have to go through whatever tomorrow held in store for him. Although he usually found himself waking up in the morning - with a sinking feeling in his stomach - he usually managed to live two or three hours longer than most people.  
  
When the sum arose and the familiar voice of mom yelled out his name, he would be filled with contempt for the woman. He would've done anything to stay where no one was. When no one was around him he never felt lonely - it was when he was surrounded by the people he spent all his life with but still treated him like a perfect stranger that he dreaded. The extreme awkwardness that made him feel like dying every day. Being unable to join in the circle even though he was two feet away. He was waiting for someone to call out his name - just anyone to shout - "hey Cloud!" So he went out of his house, day after day, and endured the torture of standing in the corner, knowing that everyone knew - for they indeed knew - that he was there and was probably thinking of his pathetic form while pretending to be interested, or laughing at, something else. So Cloud waited, waited, and waited. until days turned to months and months turned to years.  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
The sky rippled as it turned amber. A tip of a tall, towering tree just grazed the sun. Everything was now stained in a golden light.  
  
Aeris looked directly at the glowing orb. Surprisingly it did not blind her. Nevertheless she squinted her eyes, and her lashes made the rays scatter. The extending, unending, impossibly thin lines all wove into a butterfly figure. The sun poured molten iron from its overflowing casket. The surroundings all blurred in the brilliance. Aeris lifted her hand and experimentally passed it across her face, though she knew it was an illusion.  
  
So she sat like that, staring in the blinding rays of the sun, her eyes half shut.  
  
Looking ridiculous. But she laughed.  
  
Sephiroth was startled from his reverie by her laughter. It came out easy and clear, ringing from her abdomen into an undeniable expression of underlying innate delight.  
  
If she had shrieked with ecstasy it wouldn't have said any more.  
  
And for a moment he could feel the familiar fire burning low. The raw, stabbing green longing probed into his open wound.  
  
With a quick wayward glance he mastered the desire to snap at the unforgivably inconsiderate and unknowing creature.  
  
Such ignorance.  
  
He was like that. All of a sudden his whole being would be seized in an uncontrollable flame and he would quench it the best he could.  
  
.  
  
When her eyes glowed like that, he could see. see her lying across in a field of lilies, her body writhing amidst the endless sea of the white petals and golden stems. He could see her hair tangling among the intoxicating scent. He could see her clothes spoilt by the sunlit powders and he could, at the end of it all, see her wrap around her arms around a figure. And the two would sink beneath the lilac fields.  
  
When he closed his eyes he could see.  
  
.  
  
Aeris abruptly turned her head around to see her companion take the scorched rabbit out of the smoldering fire.  
  
His silver hair was stained. He couldn't help the color from soaking deep into his silvery strands. She thought that she could see the sun reflecting off the glowing tresses and wondered, for a second, if he knew.  
  
She wanted to tell him.  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
One could get used to anything. Perhaps that was man's greatest skill. Although it often led to demise, it eased the needless ache.  
  
The shrilling violin, hitting the same notes over and over again, as its piercing scream badgered her nerves. The crescendo would lead to the inevitable bang, an expected doom. It was so very cliché. The past few days had been endless prelude of something so terrible that she couldn't even grasp it.  
  
But the composer had made a mistake. The crescendo was too long. It exhausted her. The first prickling expectation and dread ebbed. She struggled to hold on, for in the end would be the culmination of all.  
  
Yet, one could - and would - get used to anything.  
  
She was a child. She had fallen asleep in the comfortable seat of red velvet in the seemingly eternal and now boring, repeating notes. She did not heed her mother's embarrassed shakes or the crowd's pointing of her ignorance.  
  
She betrayed the elaborate golden setting that destiny constructed and stepped over the timidity that had first bound her.  
  
The foretold never came. The climax was ruined by the lack there of. The audience was left dumbfounded at the insolent stage that suddenly shifted its ear-splitting wails into a quiet melody.  
  
Danger and dread had melted away and Aeris was unaware that it had once even existed.  
  
.  
  
Time passed on its own whim, she knew. But here, the regularity was lost. A minute would extend to penetrate her skull and imprint itself as a memory bared; yet the day merely slipped by.  
  
In affect everything became amiss.  
  
She wondered if it was all a dream.  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
So, once again the night was here.  
  
The darkness - better, the mere absence of light - feebly reigned in insignificance. Sephiroth closed his eyes in their usual cave and struggled for sleep.  
  
The void was killing him. Wasn't this all there was? The futile race against death? The outcome was all too certain. People persisted on running, nevertheless.  
  
Why?  
  
The race would end. It would. Just like everything would, because everything one day dies. From power, love, to beauty. From the goodness of human heart to the wickedness of it.  
  
This journey in which he was trapped. Someday they would all breathe their last.  
  
Every moment spent in living was a step closer to death. He could not escape the eternal irony.  
  
Immortality. Did he chase it? That was his promised prize from the alien creature that still dictated him, pushed him through the bitterness of it all.  
  
.  
  
Yet, in the days where his eyes still shed tears, he had wished death.  
  
He had been surprised that a single piece of metal had been all there was to it.  
  
The fragility of it had dumbfounded him.  
  
The sight of crimson blood on his lifeless skin. The sudden sting that made him hiss through the clenched teeth. And the rush of adrenaline, the heart that suddenly beat in his ears and the darting of the eyes to the door, checking it's locked. The blood was oozing out, and the sudden fear struck him, made his mouth dry. But he hadn't pressed on the wound, had just let the crimson liquid drip steadily on the marble floor, making such vivid marks on the frigid white. He had been mesmerized, and the tears that threatened to spill were momentarily forgotten. It was a proof that he was indeed alive.  
  
.  
  
The next day he could barely move from the beating he'd got. The room was cleaned out of everything and anything. The scientist's snarling face mocking him again and again as pain and blood spurted from his mouth.  
  
"Do you want to die? I'll show you what it feels like."  
  
And, oh Gods, it had hurt. The blow after blow bent his frame and he had kneeled for mercy.  
  
.  
  
Gods were cruel. For they smote those who wanted life yet bound those yearning for death.  
  
Was there no escape?  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
What was this that seeped through her heart as days passed by?  
  
It was just there. Pinpointing was impossible and analyzing was pointless, for it was a "feeling", dammit. But it made itself be known. Like tides. It came and was gone, only to come again. It welled within her and she could almost feel the protective barrier it generated.  
  
She could almost giggle. The same undue silliness that came over her when it just wouldn't do. Just like she did that day when his hand was upon her face in the stillness of the night. That day when she unconsciously thought a fantasy be true, and had thrown herself through the bars that separated it from reality.  
  
It all came back to her in a wild rush. The vulnerable, trembling thing in the cell, begging for her to free him. And the impassive mask that had her in tears on that day they touched. And the shifting of it when her green eyes locked with his, when he had been so close to her. The feel of his leather coat and his hand on her forehead. The hasty retreat he made, almost as if.  
  
As if he was frightened, Aeris let herself muse. She entertained herself in the world where nothing moved. Only thoughts saved her from drowning in the stillness of it all, however off they may be.  
  
.  
  
His form was asleep. The ever-present glow of his verdant eyes was gone, and only silvery moonlight lighted the cave.  
  
It suddenly struck her that he was not two feet from her.  
  
Suddenly she wasn't alone anymore. She had behaved as if she was the only one in the world, engaging in fantasies and crying as if no one would see. For everything now was not real enough for her.  
  
But the ethereal vanished when the earthly emerged.  
  
They lay parallel to each other, each facing the ceiling. His face was slightly tilted towards the opening of the cave.  
  
She suddenly drank in the details as a man dying of thirst. The mundane details that had shaped her earlier life, when she did not know of such things she knew now. When she hadn't confused the reality with the fantasy. The details were what confirmed the reality of the situation, and she eagerly absorbed it.  
  
Close to his head was the discarded cape, the same one he had drawn upon her when she collapsed in the snow. It was carelessly thrown on the floor along with the various leather straps. She noticed the shoulder pads. Masamune lay by his side, and she briefly thought that he may cut himself with it.  
  
She slowly shifted her form so that she could be closer, by his side. She was so close now, she could see the silver lashes that used to fringed the now-absent eyes. Her gaze almost trembled as it moved down to the long bridge of his nose, the healthy flush of his cheek, and his pouting mouth.  
  
Oh, why was he so still? This was breathtaking for her after such long torture of monotony.  
  
She could barely restrain a choked . giggle, yet again. as she slowly raised her hand. She first rested it against the silver hair that swept the stone floor, the same strands that had been almost fiery just hours ago.  
  
He still didn't move. She felt as if she would explode.  
  
Once again she was a child. This time, she was lifting the heavy lid of a cookie jar, plunging her hand into the hollowness of the clay pot while her eyes kept darting to the kitchen door. All the while she could not, although she knew that she shouldn't, resist feeling unbearably flighty, like a bumbling bird first learning to fly.  
  
If he had opened his eyes then, what would have happened?  
  
She couldn't give a damn, as her fingers softly descended on his cheek.  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
Sephiroth could have choked.  
  
The details of his morbid thoughts that he previously had wove into a rope in which to hang himself with fell apart from his fingers like sand.  
  
The strongest fantasy crumbled under a mere touch of reality.  
  
He could feel something almost tauntingly warm suddenly resting on his cheek.  
  
He knew who it was and he could barely register the meaning of it.  
  
Was it her? Oh, Gods, was it her? He wanted to turn and see but now he was aware of the warmth of a body that was inches from him. If he turned he would surely run right into it. And he was now painfully aware that his upper body was bare.  
  
Returning to his previous thoughts was not even an option, and his mind focused nothing else except what was happening right now coherently.  
  
He felt a shaky breath unknowingly caressing the curve of his neck as she exhaled a long withheld breath. Then the distracting. better yet, earth shattering, fingers trailed down his cheekbone. The path which she traced burned like fire.  
  
He was frozen from movement as he felt the same warmth now tracing down his jawbone. It was almost close to agony.  
  
Why was she so gentle? He couldn't distinct the touch from the mere heat of his body that always enveloped him. The touch tickled his flesh. and he wasn't sure if this was a dream.  
  
The most real thing that had happened was emerging back into his fantasy world.  
  
Oh Gods. She was ever so tender and he could have cried at the uncertainty of it all. His mind slapped him mercilessly and he was doomed from concentrating on anything else but this.  
  
And the touch continued, a thumb that brushed his cheek. And suddenly he knew - or thought he knew - that this was real.  
  
What was fantasy? The most elaborate castle was built of sand, and just a touch that was real would shatter it so. Was he really emerged in the depth of his past just mere seconds ago? Was he really dissecting the complex philosophy of life and death just a moment ago? What good was the ability to think if everything and anything was vulnerable to the traitorous thing called reality?  
  
Yet the thought would never cross his mind. For he would gladly forget the most exotic fantasy he ever had for a caress in real life. For it never was the truth it claimed, it had always disguised it. For fantasy was to be nothing but a lie upon a lie.  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
Cloud always felt like crying at the deceit and the sheer façade they put on - for he was so disgusted. But a part of him longed that he was a part of the crowd, and that someone else other than himself was in the corner. he would gladly indulge in the duplicity and treachery that he scorned. And he hated himself even more.  
  
Because he was depraved of hope he indulged in a fantasy - of being together with someone who would perfectly compliment him, who filled him so completely. He wanted to find a person that was beyond himself. Someone so lovely that it would bring tears to his eyes just looking at her face. Someone who would rise by his side and caress his cheeks. Someone who would bury her head in his chest and he wanted so desperately to become her anchor - her barrier to everything in the world. He wanted to get hurt for the sake of her. He .wanted. to die for the sake of her - and she would feel the same way too, he mused. But he would not let her. He would protect her, lull her to sleep, sacrifice his shirt and sleep in stark nude on a field of snow if she said she was cold, even when all he had on was a shirt and she was wearing an overcoat. In return he would know that she loved him in return he would never leave her, in return he would never be lonely again - in return, he would know, for once, that there was something called love in the world, and that his life had been spent for the purpose. That he was capable of living for such a lofty ideal.  
  
He let himself be separated from reality and drowned in the fantasy he created. He did not realize that reality would - already have - crushed such hopes from blooming.  
  
For fantasy was nothing but a lie.  
  
Yet he indulged.  
  
~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~ - ~  
  
AN:  
  
I am so tired.  
  
I'm so sorry for not updating for such a long time. I'm just so eternally sorry. I seriously was haunted by guilt, yet I just could not push myself to write.  
  
Sorry. I really am.  
  
But I want to thank all the reviewers. You guys are what made me snap out of it and just. write, dammit. I will, hopefully, be responding to the recent reviews I've gotten if I can trace it. Thank you everyone, for reviewing! I would write more, but I am dying to update this.  
  
So, THANKS GUYS!! I LOVE YOU!! AND EXPECT MORE OF THIS!!  
  
^^ Sigh. You guys rock.  
  
--KrystalClear  
  
Ps. My mind is positively a chaos. Much of the monologues reflects a part of me. What good is dreaming, if it can be so easily thwarted by reality?  
  
Sigh. 


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